I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
