There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize