Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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