Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
