new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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