Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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