I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
