allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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