I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Why is your signature on my underwear?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
