if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
this boner is exhausting
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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