Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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