So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
