all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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