ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
