He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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