when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
