I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wish you could order shots online.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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