I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
