we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
