I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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