I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
