Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
