this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
