Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
