I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
