Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
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He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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