I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
