Who did Billy Mays play for?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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