shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He felt like a one man threesome
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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