And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
