party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
