I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
