and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
