i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
