My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
