Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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