loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
