just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
