Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
