she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
