this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
