She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
