Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
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Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
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But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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