haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Congratulations! We have a period
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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