we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
