I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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