very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
