I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
