3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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