Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
