dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
