Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
