White coat. Heels.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
