Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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