I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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