So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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