By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
