That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
