Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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