I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
