There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
