U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
