Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
