Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
