I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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