I wish I only lived at night.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
