I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
