so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
