you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
