i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
