Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
