So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We were destined to go to rehab together
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
