apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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