I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Randomize
