Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
