i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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